Chapter 3 Part 2

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It took me more than an hour to get back to my apartment above the General Store, next to Will Brown’s Coast to Coast store. I couldn’t bring myself to go past the store so I parked in back and walked up the back entrance. I started to feel really bad about Will. His death was fairly straightforward; nothing pointed towards fowl play, but I would still like to know what had happened to him out there on the hill. Even in his death, he might have seen something. For now, I mourn his death, but not for long. He was just another piece of my past that would haunt me forever. I’ll have plenty of time to cry for him.
Oh, Shit. I forgot. The thought hit me as I flicked on the lights to my apartment. I was supposed to talk to Will’s wife. Damn it, I can’t believe I forgot!
“Forgot what?”
I jumped. “Jesus Christ! Will you stop doing that?”
She laughed. “Man, you are jumpy lately. You need to do some yoga or something to help you clam down.”
“If you would stop sneaking up on me I most likely wouldn’t be so jumpy.”
She made some sort of guttural ‘tsk’ at me and said, “Soorrrrrr-rrrrrreeeeee.” She walked around the room to the couch and slumped herself at the end.
“Comfortable?”
“Uh-huh. Thanks.” She yawns.
“Long day.”
She shrugged.
“What did you do?”
“Not much.”
“Aren’t you going to ask me about my day?”
“Oh, yeah! How did it go? Did you go out to the car?”
“Yes, I did.”
“Do have the case solved already?”
“No.”
She made that guttural ‘tsk’ again. “You were supposed to have this done by now.”
“I’m tired, Kat.”
“There’s a little girl out there alone and scared. Frankly, I’m not sure why you are here, when you should be out there looking for her.”
“It’s dark out there. And it looks like it’s going to snow again.”
“That is such a lame excuse.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Are you ‘thinking’ again?”
“Yes.”
“About?”
“I’m thinking that I need to go and talk to Will’s wife.”
“Who is Will?”
“He owned the Coast to Coast store.”
“Have I met him?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
“Where is he?”
“In the morgue. Two of them went in.”
“Were they both yours?”
“I’m afraid so.”
“Damn. You do have a puzzle.”
I nodded my head in agreement. “Will, supposedly, died of exposure. The woman- damn it! I forgot to get her name from Kelly.” I huffed with disgust in myself. “The woman was killed by the man who took Kylie.” Damn it, I cursed myself. How could I be so stupid? I wanted to cry. In Kat’s words, where the hell am I? “Kat, I gotta go. Rain check on dinner?”
“Sure. But you owe me big-time!”
“Will I see you tomorrow?”
“Are going to the morgue?”
“I go where ever you go.”
“Then I shall see you there.”
I smiled at her. My head hurt as I tried to think of all of the things I have forgotten. I got into my Jeep and drove to the Brown’s house. The roads were clear while just a few flakes still fell from the sky. The lights were on downstairs in the living room so I went to the front door instead of the kitchen door as I sometimes did if I was patrolling in the morning. They were both early risers and I had an open invitation for morning coffee and possibly an egg or two, warm biscuits and always right-out-of-the-oven cinnamon rolls with homemade icing. I started to drool just at the thought of them.
She opened the door and smiled at me. “Hello, Molly. I didn’t expect to see you back so soon. Come on in. Would you like some tea?”
“Thank you, Marissa. That would be fine.” I sat down on their lush red velvet couch. Stepping in the Brown’s house was like stepping into the 1940s. The house had once belonged to Will’s grandparents. When he and Marissa were married in the Sixties, they signed the mortgage over to them and retired to Florida. The old victrola still stood in the corner where it was placed nearly seventy years ago. The lace that draped over the back of the couch was handmade by Will’s great grandmother. The lamps were his grandparents’ wedding presents. The rugs are so old that there were wear patterns from foot traffic, but if you lift the couch, you would be able to see at least twenty-five inches of original pattern. The wallpaper had been changed in the early eighties, when the original paper started to peel, but Marissa decided to keep it close to what had been there and special ordered a similar pattern. I know this because my brother and I were hired to help put the new paper up. I can still taste the fresh lemonade and an occasional splatter of wallpaper paste when we would ‘accidentally’ get messy whipping chunks of it at each other. Just don’t look behind the armchair.
“Here you are.”
“Thank you.”
She sighed as she sat down next to me. Words escaped me so I just took a very cautious drink. She spoke first.
“That Tam is such a nice man.”
“Yes, he is.” Why would she mention him? I wondered.
“He was so polite when he stopped by this evening.”
“Tam was here?”
“Oh yes. I asked him in, offered him some tea, but he just stood the foyer, hat in his hands. Will had always liked Tam. ‘Fine young man,’ he would say. I suppose that’s why he felt it was his duty to come over and tell me about Will.” She took a sip of her tea. Her lip quivered a bit as it hit the hot surface, but her hands stayed steady and smooth. Mine, on the other hand, trembled slightly. I couldn’t believe that Tam didn’t tell me he came here already. At least Marissa knew the truth about her husband. Finally.
“It’s been four weeks since he disappeared. I’m glad that he is not alone anymore.” She smiled at me. She looked so young for her age, and me, I felt twice my age. And looked it, too. “I appreciate you coming by, Molly. Will always liked you and your family. How is your mother doing? Was it a nice funeral?” She took a sip of tea. “It is so hard, isn’t?”
I started to itch.
“I lost a husband of almost forty years. I don’t know what I would do if I had lost one of my children. And so young...” She made a noise with her tongue and I just wanted to run away, screaming. I really liked Marissa, but her sympathy was poison. She was coping well with her loss; I was not.
“Yeah, well, I just wanted to make sure you were ok, and to see if you needed anything.”
“You are such a sweet girl. I am surprised to see you back so soon. I have a lasagna dish in the freezer for you. I was going to bring it by when you got back, but I didn’t think that was going to be until Wednesday. Did you have good driving weather?”
“Fine.” Yeah, fine.
“Dinner is almost done, would like to have a bite?” I took a deep breath. This was not the time to lose it. I smiled. It hurt. I shook my head no. She smiled a knowing smile, an understanding smile. “I’ll bring over the lasagna tomorrow on the way to the shop.”
“Thank you so much, Marissa. But I’m the one who should be bringing you dinner.”
“Oh! That’s sweet, but not necessary. I’m fine. I’ve been able to say goodbye to Will on my own terms.” She looked over into the darkest corner of the room and winked. I pretended not to notice and continued to sip my tea.
“Ah, well,” she said in the lapse of conversation. That was about all I could think to say, too. I finished my tea for an excuse to leave.
“Thanks again for the tea, Marissa. I’ll see you tomorrow.” She smiled and nodded. She was so happy that she could cook for me. Being of the older generation, Marissa knew the importance of comfort food. But not even all of the lasagna in the world could bring my little sister back from the dead. I excused myself and started off for the police station.
I got about a block away from the Brown’s house and I had to pull over. The tears flowed forth like never before. All through the funeral I hadn’t cried, well, maybe a few tears, but nothing like this. The feeling I had all the time I looked upon her frozen face made me more confused than any other feeling in my heart. I have seen several hundred dead faces over the course of my career as police officer, detective and sheriff and I had never had the need to mourn any of them, but when that face is the face that appears in your memory as bright and alive, smiling and laughing; the feeling of apathy turns into love and from love, complete and incredible sorrow. This face I mourned, because this face I loved.
The time was almost 7pm when the flow of tears finally subsided. I dried off as best as I could, but I could still feel the burn in my eyes. Who cares? I drove into the station lot and parked next to Tam’s truck. Colleen had already gone home and Kelly was still on the hunt. Tam looked at me as I walked through the door, but he didn’t say anything. He just came up to me and held me. That was one of the things I loved about him. I never need to say anything. I don’t even need to look at him. He was able to read my thoughts, I was sure of that and I was glad of that, because I don’t really feel like talking, ever, ever again. And I was even gladder of the fact that Tam doesn’t need to say anything to me. He knows there are no words; nothing that exists in this world of words that would make any difference in the way I was feeling, nothing that he could say that would in any way ease me. The only thing he needed to do was to hold me, and he knew this, and for that, I was so grateful.
I dried my eyes for what seemed like the hundredth time.
I leaned against Colleen’s desk as Tam brought me a cup of tea.
“It doesn’t taste very good but it’s warm.”
“Thank you.”
“Why are you back? I thought you were going to turn in early for once.”
“When did I say that?”
“You didn’t. You left early, so I thought...” He waited for me to catch up.
“Oh. Yeah, I suppose I was going to, but... I remembered a few things and...” I took a deep sigh. My breath was still off and I found it hard to try to right it. I took a couple of deep breaths, tried to calm myself at the same time. I think it was working. Tam has a calm affect on people. I think that was another reason why I loved him.
“I have it under control. You don’t need to be here,” he said softly.
“I know you do. I stopped by Marissa Brown. Seems that you beat me to it.”
“I didn’t want you to have worry about it.”
There was a silence. Then he said, “I should have told you that I was going over there.”
I shrugged. “I’m glad you did, but I wish you didn’t feel like you had to do it alone.”
Another pause. “Molly,” he said, “I loved Will, too. You know what he meant to me. I felt obliged... to at least... let her know what we found...”
I couldn’t help it; I started to cry again. It wasn’t even me that cried, it was like my eyes still had some tears in them that they needed to get rid of. It wasn’t me, I swear. Tam waited for the shivers to subside. He moved closer to me. I felt his body heat next to me. I silently wished that he would hold me again, but my hands gripped the teacup tightly, leaving no room open for an impromptu hug. Damn me. It was ok. I was ok; I just leak a little.
“Molly?”
“Yes?”
“I missed you.”
“I missed you, too.” He put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him.
The CB on Colleen’s desk started to hum. We both lost ourselves for a moment as we looked at the machine in anticipation of a voice, but nothing came. In any case, it broke the tension a little and Tam stood up and walked over to the stack of files and papers he had been looking through before I came in.
“I did some research on Sara Olny.”
“Who?”
“Sara Olny, the Jane Doe.”
“Ha, that’s why I’m here. I forgot.”
He smiled at me. He had such a warm smile.
“She was originally from Wisconsin, but moved to Iowa for school two years ago. During then and now, she left school and lived in Chicago for a while. Her records are scattered; she signed up for classes but never finished them. She also had several places of residence in Chicago. We think she was on her way home for a visit. She still had another three hours to go.”
“Near Rockland?”
“Yeah, just east of there.”
“Have you contacted her family?”
“They are on their way down to identify her.”
The parents are coming here to identify the body of their daughter, their child. I felt dizzy and incredibly warm. My breath left me. The last thing I remember I had lowered my head and could see the ugly brown tile pattern of the station floor. I blinked my eyes and realized, slowly, that I was sitting on the ugly brown tile pattern of the station floor with Tam cradling my head in his arms. He had a paper towel in his hand soaked in cold water pressed against my forehead. I had the image of my mother and father having to go to the morgue to identify the body of their youngest daughter. A sight I couldn’t quite imagine, but also a sight I wish I had been there for. I could have held hands; I could have given a shoulder for them to cry on. I could have done something, what exactly, I don’t know. I just felt so far away from everyone. I think I needed them more than they needed me.
“You ok?” He whispered to me.
“No.”
He kissed me lightly on my cool forehead and rocked me like an infant. I didn’t mind. I felt like an infant, it seemed only fitting that I’d be treated like one.
“I’m taking you home.” I nodded. I let him. I let him walk me to his car; I let him walk me to my apartment; I let him undress me and I let him kiss me. I let him stay the night and I let him make me pancakes for breakfast.